Grin and Bear It
by elitemassacre6
Summary: After they lose someone important to them both, Quinn comes to rely heavily on Santana, but the Latina isn't sure she isn't replaceable. Quinn comes home to find her crying about it comforts her for a change. Mentions the death of an important character.


A/N: I'm not entirely sure I haven't uploaded this before but I don't remember so if so I apologized. This is one of those things I just found in my docs folder and decided to polish and post.

It takes two years for Quinn to stop looking at her like she just wouldn't be able to wake up in the morning without Santana beside her. They both still think of clear maple eyes and the brightest smile everyday, but she finally feels like her friend can see her now that the haze of loss has started to clear from their eyes.

Santana aches to ask a question, but she doesn't know the words, and the fear pushes against her chest, overpowering her. Quinn can see her now, but all the Latina can imagine the blonde thinking of is how she's nothing like Rachel. Not perfect enough, not beautiful enough, not enough of a star. Not what she needs, or more importantly, wants.

It all sits in her heart, weighing her down with the rejection she expects. So she holds Quinn closer, tighter, dotes on her, willing to take what she's being given just to stay close. If the blonde can sense the change in her she ignores it.

It's only after Quinn comes home to find tears falling down tan cheeks that Santana receives a minor gift. She's the one being held for once, and the warmth seeps into her skin and it feels good, too good, but the words that accompany the change tear open her stitches in a way that seems unfixable.

"Shh...I'm here San. I love you. You know that, right?" The words fall from frequently bitten lips, but they're not right, and she would've preferred not to hear them. She hated to hear them from Rachel just as much before she lost her fight with breast cancer. It was true sure, but not the way she needed it to be. Rachel loved Quinn and Quinn loved Rachel. That was it, that was how it would always be. She'd forced herself to understand that and then everything had fallen out from under them all.

"...yea." Santana's gently turned towards the golden eyes that frequently fill her mind and she tried and failed to not wonder for the thousandth time whether or not Quinn ever really needed _her_. If Brittany could have just as easily filled the role of healer. Would Rachel have preferred it to be Brittany too?

"Penny?"

"Honestly?" The green flecks attract her attention as the beautiful eyes in front of her soften into pale brown. She forces herself to keep her focus there as the bottom lip inches from her own is bitten into again.

"Please."

"I was just wondering if Rae would have preferred it be Britt who was there for you instead of me. And if...if you felt the same way." Quinn squinted her eyes, and when Santana started to try and back away, she pulled her closer.

"She told me it should be you and not Britt. That you would be what I needed. That you needed me too. And regardless, San. I want you here. Please stay with me."

" 'Sure? I can take it if you don't need me anymore, Quinn. I won't...I won't cry."

"Is that what you want? To leave? Do they want you to go on tour again? What was that about when I got here? I don't want you to go, San, please." Santana wasn't sure how it always reverted back to her with her arms wrapped around a slim waist and Quinn with her face buried in the shorter girl's elegant neck.

"Shh, baby girl calm down. I don't want to leave okay? That is not ever going to be on the list of things you need to worry about. I just need to know if you really still need me here the same way, Quinn. You don't have to be afraid of saying yes because you're wary of me walking out of your life." With a tan hand rubbing under her shirt and over her bare back, the blonde's breathing slowly returns to normal and she folds herself further into her second favorite arms.

"I don't just need you in the same way, I want you here, San. I don't feel like there's a giant hole in my chest...in my life anymore. All I could think about for the longest time was the fact that she was gone, and I felt so empty. I've accepted the loss, I can start to try and move on now. I still want you by my side through it all. You're my constant." She couldn't help looking up and leaning forward the short distance to connect their lips the way she'd always wanted to. When Quinn's tongue slipped out of her pink lips to lick at her own she couldn't help but moan and let the hands that had rested on the blonde's back slide down to her perfect rear.

"I love you. I love you so much." She leaned back in to kiss the blonde again but she leaned back and away.

"Wait, what?"

"I love you Quinn. Didn't...don't you know that?"

"Is that what this was about? Did you think I didn't feel the same?" The Latina backed away, shrugging.

"Yea."

"San...you're so blind. I love you too, silly. I thought it was obvious after all this time."

"Really?"

"Yes...me and Rach too. We both wanted you but we didn't know how to approach you about it so we let it go. When...when she was dying she told me that it should be you because she wanted both of us to be happy and she knew that we could be as long as we had each other. I just wish she was here still. That it was the three of us the way it should have been." Santana laughed at the smiling blonde, thinking back to all the flirting she'd thought was just innocent.

"Everything makes so much more sense now." She brushed stray blonde locks from Quinn's face, cupped her cheeks and leaned up to kiss her again.

"I know. Now get those hands back on my ass where they belong." Santana smirked and slipped her hands over the blondes ass under her shorts and panties, squeezing gently and swallowing the moan that followed with her lips.

"Like this?"

"_Exactly_ like that."


End file.
